Prevarication
by Shikijika
Summary: Blackstar cannot control his dreams, and this is frightening. Eventual HawkfrostxBlackstar, ie slash. You have been warned!
1. Chapter 1

This will eventually have a (dysfunctional...) relationship between two males. Oh noez. If you don't wish to read it, don't.

Thank you for listening.

---

_Every whisper of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions_

Losing My Religion, R.E.M.

---

Blackstar didn't usually dream.

Well, he never remembered them, at least -- his leader ceremony was really the only thing resembling an actual dream that he had particularly cared about. He didn't care much for things that were not real, and his dreams were no exception.

But as he took in the dark, forest-like scene before him, feeling the damp earth sinking slightly underneath his paws, whispers of harsh winds blowing past his ears, he wondered if this was really a dream at all.

His eyes narrowed suspiciously and he stepped forward, recalling his training as an apprentice -- _fear is deception _-- and beginning to take confident strides along the once-grassy ground, the ridge worn into a muddy path by many paws. His ears were pricked, eyes flicking over his surroundings, every tiny movement of the looming shadows catching his attention.

Oh so very realistic.

He was beginning to wonder why in StarClan's name he was here -- no, no, that's silly, it's just a dream, he'd wake up from this ridiculous nothingness soon. The wind had ceased, the ground seeming to be invisible underneath his paws; as if he were walking on air. The pads of his paws seemed to be frozen, numb with cold...

"Good evening, Blackstar."

The ShadowClan leader spun around on his heels, fur standing on end and claws instinctively unsheathing as amber eyes flashed across his surroundings.

A sleek, black cat-like shape emerged from the shadows of the dark pine trees, smooth steps as it made its way towards Blackstar, only the faintest fleck of light highlighting the eyes.

Blue?

"Who are you?" Blackstar demanded, flexing his claws and feeling his top lip curl in anger as the echoing of his voice in the forest faded with no answer. The shadowed cat continued walking towards him; the eyes now shining frosty blue as it stopped right before Blackstar's nose.

"Have you already forgotten who I am?"

He frowned, choosing not to reply as he stepped back in an attempt to work it out for himself. The voice was hauntingly familiar... cool and passive, yet with--

"_Hawkfrost_?" he hissed, eyes now wide with surprise. Impossible...!

Hawkfrost purred amusedly, sitting down on his haunches with his tail curling neatly over his paws. "Nice to meet you again, too."

The ShadowClan leader snorted, already prompt to reply, despite the fact that he was talking to a dead cat. "Hardly. Our last meeting was not exactly parted on the best terms."

"If you came with me, I wouldn't be here," Hawkfrost snarled, flicking his head angrily to face the right, blue eyes narrowed as he continued darkly. "We would've been the perfect leaders, once those fools were dead."

"I became leader by StarClan's will, not yours or any other cats'," Blackstar replied sharply. "I have a sense of honour, you know."

"How irritating. Your loyalty to the warrior code is as strong as always... how unfortunate."

"What do you mean?" Confusion marked Blackstar's voice as he spoke, mixing with suspicion and building anger.

A flash of fangs appeared for a moment. "StarClan won't accept you. Not for what you've done. You'll be here."

The RiverClan cat. Blackstar opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again. No... he had surely been forgiven?

"Why did StarClan grant me the nine lives of a leader, then?" he hissed, feeling his paws digging into the soft ground, no longer feeling as if they were gracing air; instead heavy and stone-like.

"Oh, but it will hurt so much more, won't it, my powerful, strong leader of ShadowClan?"

Blackstar felt his body move by itself, his brain busy thinking _liar liar... yours? _

Claws sank into fur and flesh, and white blinded his vision as he felt his claws drag down... down... out.

His head spun with words and snarls and whispers and lies as the white enveloped him, dragging him into an abyss he was choking in. Guilt pain fear lies life don't you remember, Blackstar?

Amber eyes shot open to the darkened and real world around him as his mind screeched

_Won't it hurt so much more, my leader of ShadowClan?_


	2. Chapter 2

"Blackstar?"

Dark ginger fur slipped into his den; he blinked a few times before realising through his muzzy thoughts that it was just Russetfur. Just his deputy.

"Yes...?"

"I'm sorry if I woke you. I've sent out the patrols already," her ear flicked slightly as she continued "And I think Applepaw, Toadpaw and Marshpaw are ready for their warrior ceremony. Toadpaw has the makings of a fine warrior, and Oakfur and Snowbird agree with me on both Applepaw and Marshpaw."

Blackstar just nodded and rose to his paws, closing his eyes for a moment. He could always depend on his deputy to keep everything organised -- if she weren't so ambitious she would probably have been an excellent mother (if a rather irritable one).

"Thank you," he meowed quietly, feeling as if he hadn't spoken in moons as he shook scraps of moss out of his white pelt. He looked up as Russetfur blinked at him, looking slightly confused for a moment; what in StarClan's forest was up with him today? If only she knew.

Apparently she decided that it didn't matter; dark ginger slipped back out of the den again and Blackstar was left by himself. He sighed and yawned widely, lips curling back to reveal his teeth; he hadn't slept since he had woken up from the dream in the dark forest. Since talking to Hawkfrost.

What was that fox-hearted cat doing anyway, talking to him? He was dead, and certainly not in StarClan. Blackstar had better things to dream about than that... that traitor. Like...

He closed his mouth, frowning slightly. But he never remembered his dreams.

Exactly! Nothing would be much preferred to being told he wasn't honourable. Which he was, every cat knew that. Except the ThunderClan cats, perhaps, but they were irritating and therefore their opinion was not important. Or maybe that was just Firestar he was thinking about -- but Clans tended to act like their leaders did, so it was probably justified.

But still... he had killed that RiverClan cat. Stonefur. In front of his leader... Leopardstar was not one to forget her grudges. He stopped just inside his den, letting out a long hiss between his teeth; don't start thinking about it. He'd beaten himself up about it a long time ago. Since he had become leader, StarClan must have forgiven him too.

Blackstar padded out into the weak sunlight, watching as the dawn patrol disappeared into the thicket of brambles covering the camp's entrance. He noticed Applepaw's light brown fur just as she turned out of his sight; he needed to wait until she got back before telling her. He liked being prompt about warrior ceremonies; he remembered his impatience at having to wait until sunhigh for his own.

His head still throbbed with the ache of sleepiness; he should go and ask Littlecloud for something. He hated having to do so -- he felt weak, even in front of his medicine cat -- but he wasn't going to get through the rest of the day without knocking himself out or something just as ridiculous.

---

"... From this moment on you shall be known as Toadfoot. StarClan honours your fighting skills and quick-thinking, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ShadowClan." Blackstar rested his muzzle on the newly-named Toadfoot's head, feeling the warrior quivering underneath with excitement. He stepped back and continued speaking, head raised proudly.

"The three of you will guard the camp tonight in a silent vigil. Clan meeting is over," he turned and leapt off of the ancient pine tree stump he used to survey the Clan, feeling them leaving to do their own thing, Russetfur disappeared off the stump too, presumably off to distribute patrols around the territory. It was nice to know his Clan was running so smoothly when his mind was not.

Still, the three new warriors -- Toadfoot, Marshclaw and Appleflower -- made him as proud as any leader would have been, and kept his mind off things.

_Why would you want to keep your mind off me?_

Blackstar started, amber eyes widening slightly as they flickered over the camp. Who--

_Who do you think, Blackstar? You're such a mouse-brain._

He realised it was a voice in his own head. Fox-dung, he must be going crazy. It was just a dream; it was... he scowled darkly as he stalked absently out of camp, gaining strange looks from Tallpoppy and Cedarheart in the elder's den as he went.

The pine trees widened around him, twisting into a path that he followed without really watching. He didn't really care or know where he was going -- too busy listening for Hawkfrost again. Why had this dream shaken him so much? And why was it still talking to him?

Out of the loop, crazy, been rolling in catnip, Blackstar thought, footfalls becoming lighter, speedier as he suddenly broke into a run. Fallen pine needles crushed underneath him as wind breezed through his fur; delightfully warm, he thought. He hadn't felt this free for a long time... and yet--

--there was definitely something wrong.

_Certainly. Your entire existence is wrong, Blackstar._

Eyes shot open as the voice trickled into his head again, smooth and with a pompous air about it. Fox-dung... not again, he snarled in his head. Leave me alone.

_Well, the way you're going, I don't think I can do that._

Blackstar looked up.

A crag leading down to the lake stood in his way, and he knew how high it was. Heading right towards it at this pace meant he couldn't avoid it... three, two

One. He hurtled over the edge, spinning almost comically in the air for a moment before slamming straight into the ground. A ragged gasp, then--

"Blackstar!"

Russetfur skidded and stopped at the edge of the crag, peering with wide green eyes over at the crumpled body of her leader. A faint groan escaped Blackstar's muzzle; he'd be all right, he thought absently, feeling himself give way to the black nothing of unconsciousness.

He'd be fine.


End file.
